I woke up early this morning, searching for the truth. I’ve been consumed with trying to understand our world, what motivates people to do bad things, and what the truth is. For a good while when quarantine started, I was steadfast in my efforts to maintain a positive outlook and to prioritize my routines as a way of keeping myself strong. However, lately, I’ve become unhinged. Is that the right word? I’ve been feeling uneasy about the unsteadiness of our world. I’ve been watching the WORLD become unhinged, and feeling completely powerless. The more I dug my heels into my routines, the more I was pulled to seek the truth, to put myself out there and interact with those with negative energy. I didn’t want this calling. I wanted to be the steady person who encouraged everyone to ignore the craziness and focus on self, focus on your world. I just.could.NOT. let it go!
It’s not in my nature to ignore anymore. I’ve come so far… From a marriage in which I ignored all the cracks, especially the ones that would bother me the most, to a marriage in which I am the FIRST to confront the crack and risk widening it. Bless my husband’s heart, because I know I wear him out. Sometimes I have to watch my pacing and timing, but I have become strong enough to not let things go.
Given this nature that I have, I have become consumed with truth seeking. This can be an energy zapper, and worse, it can lead to feelings of distrust. My daughter, who is my biggest self-care supporter, has been telling me that I need to re-balance things out, and stop working my brain so much. She’s right. It’s not healthy to be voraciously truth seeking and not know what to do with it. The negativity just sits in my body until I find a way to release it.
After my morning session of consuming, I felt uneasy, distrustful, and powerless. I needed a re-set. I wanted to feel a different energy. So I turned to my most reliable tools – essential oils. In researching the emotions "upheaval and distrust", several oils were mentioned over and over – wild orange, lavender, douglas fir, vetiver, and siberian fir, for example. But I needed something else. I needed something spiritually enlightening – I remembered something about roman chamomile and seeking the truth. Yes, I found it - roman chamomile, because it helps to “create a boundary of safety and ease”. It creates a feeling that all is well and it is safe to be yourself. (Feeling Good with Essential Oils, 2nd ed. 2019). That was what I needed. https://www.youroiltools.com/collections/books/products/feeling-good-with-essential-oils-book-2nd-edition.
With the morning breeze blowing around me, I started with Roman Chamomile on my wrist to create a sense of safety and readiness for spiritual awakening. Next I used Douglas Fir to create security and grounding. I prayed using this simple process – PRAY. Praise, Repent, Ask for others, Ask for Yourself. Interestingly, this prayer led me to another awareness - that I was angry. Be careful when you seek the truth, you may be faced with unpleasant emotions. The anger was what I needed to release. I ended my prayer with a request for myself – “Lord, release this anger, and lead me to my purpose”. Wild Orange was the last layer, to bring me joy.
Well on my way, but wanting to solidify a sense of well-being, I ended my ritual with a beautiful, uplifting hymn, “It is Well”, by the group, The Sisters. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmUGekcTuLM
Be Well. Take care of your heart, mind, and soul, as well as your body. Be strong and steadfast in pursuing your purpose in this world.
Much Love,
Aimee
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