I give my daughter this message all the time - “take care of yourself, take time to decompress, don‘t run yourself ragged”. We all hear this advice over and over again, yet I’m not sure we know what that truly means, or how to do it. What do you do when your life itself is stressful? Are we talking about literally changing your life? What do you do when you feel like you have no options? What if you can’t stop the train you are on?
Well...sometimes life just takes care of it for you. You either find your own way to manage your life and all its stress effectively, or life knocks you off your feet and makes you lie down for a while. If you’re the latter type of person, you may recall always getting sick around the holidays or when you are on vacation. This is life, God, and your body, forcing you to pay attention and wake up to what your body (and you) need. That used to be me. A high achiever, trying to please everyone in my house AND in my work, I wanted to be the best – the best mom, the best friend, the best wife, the best counselor, the best consultant. Every single phase of my life has been marked by an insatiable desire to be perfect – essentially. Until… I wasn’t. Until my marriage felt apart, until my kids acted out and I felt like a failure as a mother, until I gained 40 pounds and no longer recognized myself, until I was such a good friend that I felt lonely and alone, until I had a health crisis that required testing, trips to the cancer center, procedures and worry, until I started getting bronchitis every single fall for about 5 years. From my perspective, God has given me signs along the way that I needed to make a change – I needed to wake up and actually ENJOY my life, and learn how to “STOP and smell the roses”. I actually hated that expression for a long time because I just couldn’t feel it. When I sat down, I immediately thought of all the things I needed to be doing – cleaning something, preparing something, doing anything rather than sitting still and taking it all in.
The inconvenient illnesses, the feeling “wired and tired”, the anxious kids, the disconnected husband, these were all signs that I didn’t truly pay attention to. I did my best, I would slow down for a little while, but then I would ramp right back up in my attempt to prove my worth to others by being perfect. Apparently I had to hit rock bottom emotionally to really learn (divorce, being “fired”, which is what it felt like to me, or “let go”, which is what I called it in public, were huge precipitating events, but later on, overworking myself was just self-induced), but I did. Actually, not that I am proud of it, it took me gaining weight and not being able to get the weight off (after several years of being slim) to really pay attention – yes, incredibly vain and shallow that it took beauty (or beast) to wake me up. I should take a moment to shout out my second husband, Bob, because he is so open to this quest for self-care of mine, even when it means he doesn’t get his own immediate gratification.
What I learned in this quest to achieve my best self (not my perfect self), was that I am a priority – my stress level, my desires, my needs, they are a priority. Because every time I de-prioritized them, my body was right there slapping me in the face with stomach discomfort, bloating, hair falling out, acne, you name it. And what do you think happened next? My relationships, my work, they all suffered. All the things that I was putting as # 1 on my list for the day, they suffered because the ailment of the day forced me to slow down and pay attention to myself, and not be able to meet those other needs. Complete imbalance is required to wake me up. Or, a weekend at a cabin in the woods where there is truly nothing to do except connect with myself (as was the case this weekend when I finally allowed myself time to think, dream, and write). Dogs have this figured out, but we women, we often need a reason to slow down.
Still, what does that really mean? How does one implement that? We are back to the question, the same question I posed earlier – how does one take time to de-compress or remove stress from one’s life? Especially if removing stress means not doing for others?
I hate to disappoint, but I don’t have the answer to that question for you. I am still figuring it out for myself, and although I often give my girlfriends and customers suggestions based on the lessons I’ve learned, you will need to find your own way. Self-care is an art, a process, but it starts with a mind-set – you have to decide once and for all that you are a priority, and that managing your stress and your health is your top priority because it leads to all else – all your other goals loop back to how you treat yourself. If you need inspiration, you can use this quote by Abileen Clark in the movie The Help, “You is kind, you is smart, you is important”. That is your daily mantra. Make this year, the year of you. You do you, Boo! In the meantime, here are some oils to inspire you to manifest a year of self-love and self-discovery.
Bergamot, the oil of self-love – it is both uplifting and calming so you can use any time of day to help manage stressful feelings. Bergamot is especially helpful in your quest to create a self-care plan because it supports the processing and releasing of fear, inadequacy, emotional turmoil, and helps you to open your eyes to your own magical qualities and self-worth. It’s the very first step towards self-care – use this oil to be steadfast in your prioritization of yourself.
Frankincense, the oil of truth – it helps to move you closer to your higher self, allows you to truly see the true big picture, and therefore carefully construct the steps you need to take to achieve your goals. You will be able to SEE the truth through clear thoughts.
Ylang Ylang is one of my favorite oils because it makes me feel alive. The scent is intoxicating to me and wakes up every part of my body. Known most as an aphrodisiac, consider this your “passion” oil – when you want to feel passionate about your quest for your own self-care, and achieving your personal goals, take a whiff of this one. The trio of bergamot, frankincense, and ylang ylang can be used as a daily perfume or inhaled from the palms.
Wild Orange, an oil as effective as anti-depressants to lift mood and ease sadness and depression - could be used to help create a joyful and energized mood. Diffuse this in the morning to give you the energy and motivation to manage your daily tasks but also to include yourself in those priorities.
Spearmint, the oil of confident speech – you need this oil to help you to say “No” to the things that don’t truly matter, to say “No” to your loved ones, and to say “Yes” to your own needs. Spearmint and Wild Orange are a refreshing combination when used together to give you a sense of power and strength.
Blue Tansy, the oil of dreams – the euphoric scent alone can take you to a higher place where you set aside your insecurities and worries, and allow you to dream big. So often we hold ourselves back, trying to focus only on what we can manage, only on our immediate tasks, or even our kids’ dreams, or our employers’ dreams. Use this oil on the soles of your feet, in your diffuser, or on the back of your neck to manifest your own dreams.
Rose – the oil with the highest vibrations or frequency of all – all essential oils have high energy/frequency, but Rose has 320 MHz. The average human body has a frequency of 62 to 72 MHz. Positivity operates at a higher frequency than negativity, and when you interact with high frequencies/vibrations, you create movement in your cells, and positivity in your soul. Use Rose oil (or Frankincense, which has 147 MHz) when you want to achieve a positive outlook, all the way down to your cells and bones.
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