Yesterday I woke up feeling excited and compelled to get back on track, after almost 2 weeks of traveling and being out of my routine. I organized the house, the laundry room, cleaned the fridge, all as steps towards a week long detox I was planning. I was even looking forward to sharing new strategies with my Facebook audience.
But then I was hit with some horrible news... that an 18 year old boy from Liam's soccer team passed away unexpectedly. He passed away right before he started his first year of college. His parents were finally true empty nesters. The sad irony of this statement doesn't escape me. His older brother would have been planning for his own college year starting up. It was a time for goodbyes, but was only supposed to be temporary. "Goodbye, I'll see you soon" is what this family and young boy would have been saying to each other in a week or two.
Given this news, my mood obviously shifted from excitement to grief and sadness. I have been combing through grief quotes trying to make myself feel better. I listened to a sermon today hoping for an answer. I keep thinking about his mom and how she must be feeling (or not feeling).
I think about my kids and husband and how grateful I am that we are all alive. Then, I feel guilt. I didn't even know him that well, but I feel it - it's called "survivor's guilt". My husband, who is a war veteran, told me about this irrational guilt people sometimes feel. I could understand the concept when he told me about it, but I really didn't GET how/why someone would feel that way when it's so obviously not their fault. Here's what it's like: Ever since I found out, when I am having a moment of joy, gratitude, or feeling love, I then think of Jon Jon and his family, and how they are feeling right now. How can I possibly feel happiness at the exact same moment that someone else is feeling such sorrow? I feel simultaneously blessed and unworthy of my wonderful life. So what do I do with these feelings? I can't change what has happened. I can't even help his family feel better (which is typically the role in my life that I am most drawn to).
I feel the need to Cleanse... Cleansing brings to mind an aspect of emotional healing and instills hope for a better tomorrow. De-toxing is just getting rid of junk in your body. I feel the need to cleanse my soul AND my body. The methods will likely be the same, but the goal is different now. So instead of telling you all about de-tox hacks, I want to inspire you to join me in cleansing your soul, with the goal of healing.
Hug your kids and loved ones. Sharing unconditional love is certainly cleansing to the soul... connecting with others helps us feel the collective strength of each other.
Love thy neighbor. I listened to a sermon this morning about how Jesus wants us to love our neighbors, but not just the ones like us, who have our beliefs, who live their lives in a way we "approve" of. Jesus wants us to love ALL our neighbors, especially the ones who are hardest to love. That means having compassion for them and actually doing something for them, not just thinking it. What a difficult task it is to not only have good thoughts about someone whom we find difficult to even be around, but to also take an act of kindness towards them. When you are interacting with people on social media, that is an opportunity to love your neighbor. Your act of compassion could be to send a reassuring, loving message or response to their divisive political post. We need to love ALL our neighbors, not just the convenient ones, or the ones who make us feel good (yes, sponsoring a child in Africa is honorable but it doesn't remove the responsibility you have to speak kindly to, and get to know your literal neighbor who is mowing your side of the lawn thinking it's his, and cutting it WAY too short!)
Love yourself. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself rest and positive thoughts. I do this by taking tasks off my list. I do this by drinking an organic glass of red wine. Yes, I know that wine is still toxic to a degree. But you know what? Right now my soul needs some tending to. A wine glass in hand helps me engage in deep contemplation. Maybe your red wine is a cold glass of sweet iced tea, rocking on your porch. Whatever it is that helps you feel like you are taking care of yourself, do it today.
Cleanse your skin. Last night I took a shower and just let the water take away the tears. Today I will take it a step further and SCRUB. I'm going to SCRUB those toxic thoughts and feelings right out of my skin with a sugar scrub blend.
Weed the garden (literally). Today my husband and I pulled out those nasty, ugly, thorny weeds to reveal the beauty of the real plants that were always there, waiting to be exposed to the sunlight. Meanwhile, the sweat pouring off my body in this heat is just pushing those toxins right out of my skin. By the way, gardening is well known to be a necessary way to replenish gut microbiome that has been depleted due to life stressors...
Eat extra greens, particularly leafy greens, algae (chlorella and spirulina), and plants known to help with the detoxification process (dandelion greens). I have always made sure I eat one handful of Energy Bits Algae per day, but this weekend I had 2 handfuls and tried out the Terra Greens from Doterra in my coffee (yes, weird, but not terrible) and in a smoothie.
Inhale a comforting essential oil blend. Bathe yourself in it. I put it on my wrists, my neck, and palms, and inhaled deeply. I used the Console Blend from Doterra - frankincense, ylang ylang, Osmanthus, and Rose are the standouts in this blend. Somehow it did comfort me, I felt it in my chest, a sort of calming. The tears didn't really stop right away, but the chest stopped hurting so much.
Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow I can get more hard core about my cleanse, maybe do foot soak and definitely not drink wine. But today, I choose to be Gentle to my Soul, filling my mind and heart with reassuring stories and thoughts. I keep thinking about what a mother of a young boy in our community recently said about the unexpected death of her son. It was something like, "God gave him a choice, and he chose to go home to be with him. We will miss him. We will see him another day when we make that choice". Silver linings, and hope floats...
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